TPS Reports?

TPS Reports?
This is one of the most glorious examples of geniushood My redneck arse even dun seen.

105 comments February 2nd, 2006

St. Bush

President George W. Bush was scheduled to visit a Methodist Church, outside Washington, DC as part of his campaign. Bush’s campaign manager made a visit to the Bishop, and said to him, “We’ve been getting a lot of bad publicity among Methodist because of Bush’s position on stem cell research and the like. We’d gladly make a contribution to the church of $100,000 if during your sermon you’d say “the President is a saint”.

The Bishop thinks it over for a few moments and finally says, “The Church is in desperate need of funds and I will agree to do that.”

Bush pompously shows up looking especially smug and as the service progresses, the Bishop begins his homily: “George Bush is petty, a self-absorbed hypocrite and a nitwit. He is a liar, a cheat, and of low-intelligence, . . . a weasel! He has lied about his military record and had the gall to put himself on a jet plane, landing on a carrier, posing before a banner stating: ‘Mission Accomplished.’ He invaded a country for oil and money, and is using it to lie to the American people. He is the worst example of a Methodist I’ve ever personally known, but compared to Dick Cheney and the rest of his cabinet, George Bush is a saint.”

48 comments February 2nd, 2006

An Interpretation of Language

WOMEN’S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = You’ll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you’re in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!
10. You’re certainly attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think
about?

MEN’S ENGLISH:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let’s have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I’d like to have sex with you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = I’d like to have sex with you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d like to have sex with you.
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d like to have sex with you.
11. I don’t think those shoes go with that outfit = I’m gay

52 comments February 2nd, 2006